Monday, June 26, 2017

Lembut Vs Garang

June 25th 2017

Few years back, when my eldest brother's children were still toddlers, I never understand why their father was too calm in dealing with the kids' antics. Every time I saw the kids running around my mom's house like mad cows, I would get pissed not really to the kids but to my brother who did not seem bothered to scold his children. Or when he did, it would be too kind that I didn't think the kiddos would learn from it. And I blame his psychological teaching method (Read: Be kind and gentle and understanding) in raising his children.

You see, my siblings and I, we weren't raised like that. Mom was a very strict mother. Ikat di pokok langsat satu hari kind of strict. I never attended friends' birthday parties (except one time, accompanied by eldest bro) cos mom didn't approve. If she allowed me out during day time, the Before 12 & 6 rules will automatically applied; go out in the morning must be back before noon, out in the afternoon must be back before 6pm. But of course I don't take the matter to my heart. Dulu lah masa muda-muda belia. 

As I grew up into adult, I eventually understand why mom did what she did. And the key factor to understanding her way of raising us is via her unspoken love. Yes, she is one of those people who doesn't express her love and care publicly. She doesn't hug as often. Heck, I can even count how many times she had hugged me. Seriously. And the last time we hugged each other was last year during her wedding reception.

Despite her garangness, she has proved her love for us (Ishhh, why do i even said that? Mothers do not have to prove their love bah) through her unending and sometimes annoying way of putting her nose into our lives (still is). Well, most of the time for our own good. So yes, her method of raising us from infant to adulthood had made us what we are today. Not a celebrity or a respected public figure, but yes, a person that I am now.

When Leticia came into our world making a small family out of the two of us, I thought I would become my mother. A strict mommy. A garang mommy. A no-show affection mommy. Fast forward today, with a child who is barely two, I start to absorb and comprehend my eldest brother's way of teaching and raising his children. Not that agree 100% with him but yes, I am slowly getting to understand his ways of raising the children.

My daughter is going to a stage where; quoted a friend, possesses ego at the highest. It is the phase leading up to the terrible two stage although I reckon with this girl, she has started much earlier. She starts to challenge the Nos and assume everything must be by her own way. While initially, it seems adorable cos you get to realize that she IS growing up, on certain times, especially when you have other things stressing and occupying your mind, it drives you up the wall. Yes, ALREADY.

Admittedly, I do raise my voice AND practise the tapap leg or pacik fingers as way to discipline her. Unfortunately, I find these are not ALWAYS the way to make her adhere to rules and subsequently respect the Nos. As a teacher for 12 years, I do use this method as way to discipline problematic students. Some would listen while the more hard headed ones won't (duh). We (teachers) collectedly agree that the latter acted that way because they are used to being scolded and/or beaten at home. HOME. So, do I want Leticia to be like those in the latter group because she is used to pain from home? No.

And so, in attempt to try to understand my daughter's growing up phase, I (almost reluctantly) tell myself to be less of a Tiger Mom and be more gentle yet consistent in my approach in ensuring my daughter acknowledge the rules and boundaries.

In stead of immediately shouting at her for the wrongs that she does or the rules that she breaks, I try to tell her in strong stern voice while keeping my eyes locked on her as to show my disagreement to her doings. As much as possible, I don't want to be so lenient with the pacik fingers or tapap kaki method cos I believe she will eventually get used to the pain and take it for granted.

Aaaah, this is one issue that's been pestering me ever since our girl starts expressing her disagreement. At home, she would self-hit her head on any surfaces to show her frustration. Or lie down on the floor with legs kicking. Or simply cry. I would usually hug and calm her down. If that fails, I let her cry her lungs out until she gets it, 'mommy won't come to me, let me go to her.' I don't really mind her crying if it is at home. But what if it's in public? Not that she ever does it (yet). The question persist.

Does it work? The stern voice and eye-locking method?
Sometimes. It's not that easy to restraint yourself from shouting when you are angry. So yes, this takes a lot of effort.
But who says disciplining your child is a one hit wonder?
I'm pretty sure seasoned parents would unanimously answer; A LIFETIME EFFORT.

I do get people telling me that I kasih manja anak.
To that, I rather bite my tongue than to argue.
Even if I do know (and would defend) the path I take in raising my child, it's not worth explaining my ways to people who are not there personally to raise my kid. For now, my daughter needs my utmost attention and that includes showing her love and affection as well as provide the best that I think she needs.

Raising a child is not fixed to just one method. It changes over time. It is a long journey for me (and husband) but one thing for sure, I eagerly look forward this journey cos as far as I am concern, this is by far the most interesting and challenging phase currently going on in my life.

PS: My nieces and nephews grew up to be kind and gentle children/teenagers.

Till next post!

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Inspirasi datang

3 MAY 2017

I just got myself a new laptop.
The previous one broke down almost three years ago.
Since then, I've always relied on my iPad to draft and post blog entries or sneak some time borrowing the husbter's laptop.
iPad broke down, it was down to my iPhone.
But blogging from the small screen iPhone is never my fancy.
So I got swayed away from the blogging community, again.
I pop up once in a while.
You know, just to make an update.
The least.

Not even 48 hours since I bought my MacBook Air, I'm already sitting and staring at my laptop for hours. First was getting some of my delayed work done. Next, browsing. Blog hopping.

Yeah, I did LOADS of that before. Blog hopping.

It just feel SO different typing on an actual keyboard than those touch pad.
It just feel alive, to be able to hear the click clack of the keyboard keys. It sends energy. It sends motivation. It sends inspiration.

So, is this inspiration?

Bah, tidur lah.

Till next post.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Something to tick off...

3 MARCH 2017.
Sunday. 1928.

This might be cliche, but ever since I recovered from PTD in 2007, my views on life kind of spiraled out from my usual perspectives. When I was at the hospital, I had all the time to think about what life should have been if I wasn't diagnosed with the disease. Or, what if I did not recover. The latter shook me deep into my very soul.

So when I was told my illness was nearly 100% curable and I was not going to loose my hair despite the so call Chemotherapy, in that instant I saw beautiful light flaring at the end of the tunnel I was in.  Realization hit me. I now understand what most cancer survivors would say, "I see life in different ways now."

FYI, I am not a Cancer survivor cos PTD is not cancer. Just some bad guys that CAN turn into cancer if not treated early.

Anyways, the time I spent at the hospital made me ponder of all the things I should do in life. You know, like (again) the cliche question, 'If you only have a day to live, what will you do?' etc.

What I want to do with my life post my illness is just the normal thing normal people would do. To accomplish things I have planned before and to try out new things. Like going traveling. Be passionate about something. Put a smile even on the smallest achievement. Be grateful for every day that comes and go. And most of all, to give 'life' to those things I do albeit tiny stuff.

I did do some of the things I wanted to do... like adding more places to go for traveling with the hubster or with friends (decided to attend the Rainforest Music Fest  alone cos no one was able to join me although I found travel buddies later, went on a flight to HK solo and became a wanderlust in the city albeit just a day), climbed Mount Kinabalu again and aiming for 10 climbs (4 to go), had been very active in the blogging community for some years back,  tried out new things (beads making, nail art painting, yoga), be a DIY person as much as possible not just because it cut costs but the feeling you get when you are done with it is indescribable, participated in running events and claimed my Marathoner title in 2015... and I still have thousands of other things in mind that I am yet to accomplish.

However, as life gets better and better, somehow complacency slowly creeps in. The fire that once triggered from a simple illness scare was slowly dimmed. Not entirely put off but yeah, dimmed. It feels like I have everything in mind lining up nicely, waiting for me. On the other side of a sky tall fences. And I am on this other side, looking through the gaps of the fences, staring at them. I see the gateway to that other side. But it has huge padlock on it. I have the key. I just could not find it in my chaotic bag. Salah siapa?

Now, that, before our baby girl comes into picture.

Having her, helps me clear out unwanted stuffs in my bag. And I believe, eventually will help me find that key to that gateway. It feels good that while I'm at it, trying to flaunt my feet to reach for those dreams, this little girl is keeping me firm on the ground. She's not tying me down, just, grabbing my ankle when necessary.

Now, what is it that I want to tick off first from my Bucket List?


Sunday, January 29, 2017

Xin Nian Kuai Ler!

29 JANUARY 2017.

Hello again. After the last post that is. And that was New Year. Not bad lah considering the last gap before the New Year post. Ha!

Macam everytime i come back to this blog, the only thing i do is to greet everyone that i am back to clean up all the spider webs in it. And that's it. Apalah kau ni Carol.

So okay, resolution reinforce : to do a regular post here.



Bah, harap-haraplah.

So, here's wishing everyone in the blogsphere and who by chance stumbled on this blog...



Sunday, January 1, 2017

Nu Yerrrrr

Sunday, Jan 1st 2017.


Life in 2016 was all about baby, being mother and parents. I mean, yeah, there were other things but those three...they dominated my year the most and I am so grateful for that.

Never mind the lack of post here. Still around and will be sticking around for a lil while more for sure. I guess, that pension for writing or in this case, typing, isn't something that I can ditch just like that, eh?

So, Happy New Yearrrrr from Mr & Mrs AL Ting and baby Ticia!!!


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