Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Dreaded Phase

Someone asked me not too long ago if Ticia has already stepped into the Terrible Two phase since she is... urm... two.

No, I said confidently.

Yes, she had been putting up tantrums and all that but I somehow felt they weren't that phase yet. I felt she was manageable. Easy peasy konon.

Well, until she got sick recently (and the daddy suspected she had growth spurt), she has since been terribly difficult to predict. One minute she was all angelic looking, flashing smile that melts the heart you just want to hug and kiss her all the time. Then all of sudden, a simple "Ticia, please wait" when she wanted something while my hands were occupied sent her lying on the floor, screaming crazily her voice so sharp it could break my ear-drum. Even a simple decline to being carried will make her furious. Lucky this only happens at home so far.

It has gotten too frequent in a day that this time I am so sure Terrible Twos has FINALLY making a show. Late by three months but yeah, here. However, deep down I know this phase does not acquired its name cos simply.

"There must be reasons to all this happenings. Reasons why she was unhappy,"

I sound like I am in denial of having a toddler who is acting exactly like how her age should be. But, if I know what gets her upset and frustrated, I can avoid all this drama, right?

Truth is, I just want to be able to tackle and handle this phase better. Whenever she throws an unexplainable fit, I try to avoid lying hands on her. But when she kept wailing, unwilling to give in, I find myself either spanking her leg or arm. And then ended up regretting my doing.
At other times, when I have no energy to entertain her unpredictable storm, I would just let her be. Ignore her wails and act like I didn't hear a thing. But, that sent me feeling guilty as well. What lesson did I give her by ignoring her tantrum?

What did I do?
Menggoogle lah ini ibu.

Ok, firstly, I must admit that this phase is normal. No, of course I know it's normal and I know it's inevitable but I MUST ACCEPT that even if I know what to expect and what to do, at times, things will get worst that I can't expect myself to be in control ALL THE TIME. I must learn that I will be defeated sometimes. That's how it will go. And that is how I will rise back and learn from it. Sehmen! So dramatic lah kau Carol.

'The less invested and upset you get, the quicker the storm will pass' - Anne Davies

That's what I am currently doing.
Every time my little princess warrior tries to show her frustration in the form of wailing, throwing herself on the floor, throwing things or hitting I try not to participate in what she is doing. Oh, this is definitely NOT EASY. It is not easy to not get angry when your child screams her lung out, eyes staring daringly at you telling that she was upset. But I try. And like I mentioned, it's not always my game. I don't always win. I don't always manage to control my anger. Terlepas juga tangan mentapap kaki si Ticia yang sudah sedia banyak gandas.

In spite of all that above, trying to be calm, rational and not to take her tantrums personally do help me slowly in tackling her melt down. It does feel victorious if I get to distract her from being upset when I cannot let her play with the water pipe for half an hour.
"Come, we mandi in the bathroom. You can play water in the tub."

Or when I manage to avoid drama by limiting choices.
"When the bubbles all gone that means you must get up already."

Or when my calm but repeatedly stern 'No' finally gets to her without intimidating her.
Or simply ignoring her which eventually led her to coming back to me when she was much calmer.

It has only been roughly two weeks since I try being 'less invested' but I am already feeling less tortured by her drama. She still throw herself on the floor. Still screaming. Still trying to hit and throw stuffs. But key word here, LESSER.

And most important, I feel much happy dealing with my daughter's tantrums. Ha!
Jangan Carol...itu baru bunga-bunga. Bak kata my sister in-law, this is the phase where you practically don't have a manual. One thing might work today. But may not the next day.

Well until I cross that new level of bridge, let's just enjoy what I have gain today lah orang bilang kan.


Saturday, January 20, 2018

100 Things to-do

I was scrolling through Pinterest looking for ideas.
You know lah how Pinterest can aggravate your ideas from one tiny spark into fiery blaze.

So there I was, stumbling upon this pin about 100 Things To Do Before You Die.

Well honestly, I don't really fancy anything that says 'before you die'. Of course, death is certain to each and everyone of us. But, I always feel that it has some kind of negative connotation to the way I dictate my life. So, i rather think of it as something I want to do while I am STILL ALIVE. I feel the word alive alone already give a good vibration to how i want to live this life God wills on me. Power of word urang bilang bah.

Back to that list.
I do have my own Bucket List. And I list some of them in here.
Why do I have them?
Why do you have them (if you have)?

As my Zodiac and Almanac keeps pointing, I have an amount of positiveness in me that sometimes my husband thinks is absurd. Well, sampai kadang-kadang saya pun question juga kenapa baini telampau positip. But hey, that's what keep me ALIVE. That's what directs me in the paths God has laid upon me.

Keeping a list of to-do things, either long term or daily, gets me going. Never mind that I sometimes tend to ignore the list and at the beginning of next day, will still writing down the same list. Ha!
There was a particular year, I did not set any list. Not even a daily list. My intention was to go with the flow. Boy, that was really a gloomy year. I didn't look forward anything (cos I didn't know what to look forward to). I don't mind surprises (in life) but I rather something that I can plan at least properly if not perfect. Almost everyone loves having that feeling to be able to take charge of things, especially your own.

So I got back to writing a list.

Human nature; you want everything.
I want all!
But as I age, I realized that I can only do so much. Your mind is your limit, they say. But, to be fair lah, I BITE my limit, my absurd positivity to things that revolve around my family; my husband and daughter. And also, taking consideration my long time bad habit, PROCRASTINATION.

I anticipate two things to strike from my Bucket List this year. God willing.


Friday, January 12, 2018

School Time!


"Baru one o'clock."


"Almost three. Should I go get her now?"

A monologue of me and myself.

Siapa lagi, kalau bukan si Leticia Sunduvanza.

We decided to send her to play school. Yes, already.
Honestly, I would want to send her when she's about three or perhaps four years old. However, circumstances do not allow that to happen. So yeah, she is in play school now.

How has it been so far?

It was GREAT on FIRST day.
She didn't even realize we left the school cos she was too engrossed with seeing new young friends around.
Not on the second day and the subsequent days so far though. At least, not in the morning when the daddy send her to school. She would cry and worst, would start showing her worried face even while still in the car.
Fortunately, whenever I go fetch her, she would already looked calm and settled.
Some minor comments from the teacher but none that aren't normal for first timer in school.

How has it been to us parents...ermmm, mommy especially?
It was weird in the beginning, really.
Being used to having her under the care of my mother in-law, I always felt that i need to rush back to get her home because I don't want my MIL be troubled to look after this little growing rascal. She can really exhaust everyone's energy.
Ever since she is in Play School, especially when I don't have to stay back at work for meetings and what not, I keep asking myself if I should go fetch her already. The Play School welcomes parents who wish to collect their child early than the supposed time. So if I decided to go home instead and wait till it is time for her to be collected, I would have this guilty feeling for allowing her stay in school while I am at home.

It has been a week of (play) school.
Seriously, I think this is one of our best decisions regarding our daughter.
School has done such tremendous good job on her speech progress.
If you are my contacts on Instagram, you would know our concern with regards to her speech. Given a timeline to get her to show some progress in time for her next speech therapy session, I feel we are pushed to get up from our comfort zone and to NOT go with the flow. Especially when it is really not an easy job to train her to talk.
School helps us with that!
In just a week, she is already able to say some words. Well, say the word lah, not talking. But hey, that is still a progress for us. I mean, if a week can do that much for her?

So yes, I am very glad we have her gone to play school.
Despite that emotional normalities that every mother will go through, I think I am quite OK with the new routine now.

Cheers to school!

Saturday, January 6, 2018

TWO Awesome

Leticia is TWO!

Yes, how time flies.

It has been a very interesting two years of her life. And our life as parents.
Such a humble experience to learn life lessons through the life of a pure heart. Our Leticia.

Her actual birthday is next Monday, the 8th.

However, with close family members who are residing outside KK still around till the New Year and the fact that we have been postponing her birthday bash since she turned one, we decided to do her FIRST birthday party ten days early.

I have planned the whole thing since a year ago but things got serious the last two months before the do. As much as I had made plans, the saying 'nothing is perfect' rang true in my case. I wanted so many things done for her birthday but gave out less than what i had in mind. In short, what i had in mind remain mostly in my head. Poor planner I am. Lesson learned.

Having her birthday done only when she was much older seemed to be a genius idea than having it when she was just one. At least, she really gets to enjoy her party instead of sleeping or being carried around (Ticia didn't start walking until she was 13 months old). She even greeted almost every one of her guests by dashing to the front when seeing guest arrived to say Hi. Saved us half the effort to welcome the guests. Ha! And of course, she stayed up energetic until all the important programmes were done. By the time we wanted to take photos with the guests, her battery died on us when it was only a quarter of the guests photos taken. She literally slept in my arms.

P to the A to the T, A, H. PATAH!

Here are some photos of her birthday bash!

And oh, her birthday theme was The Wiggles. One of her first few favourite shows on Netflix.

Happy Two years old 
Leticia Sunduvanza!

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