Friday, March 15, 2019

Book Lover vs Book Worm

Growing up, I do not have much memories of wanting or loving books. I don't even remember being a young reader, passionate about books. In short, I didn't read much growing up.

But I remember Hensel and Gretel.

That was the first story book I received as present from my late father. Can't remember now why I got it as present. But I treasured the book. I kept it for years however lost it while in transition to being adult.


That's how (technically, where) I get to love reading.

I was sixteen.
During the days when we didn't have extra curricular activities after school, dad would sent me to the library and spent my time there waiting for him to finish work and collect me two and half hours later.
It was burdening in the beginning cos I was supposed to go there and study.
So to kill time, I would study the first half to an hour and do shelves browsing the remaining time. Most of the time, I ended up chilling on the sofa at the magazine section.

Then came the final term before the big exam.
Spent more time at the library of course. With a twist. A guy in the picture. One that I had crush with. He loved browsing the novel section which eventually led yours truly wandering at the same section. Ha! Kerja buduh.

There's good in that.
And you guessed correctly.
I started to read books. Well, novels precisely.

That guy is history.
But the reading continues.

Bagus juga kan pigi library?

My reading habit keep growing as I enrolled in Uni. Apa lagi bila ada room mate that was crazily in love with reading. Every night mesti baca buku before bed. Lucky thing, it impacted on me so much.
I would borrowed her books at first. It then escalated to me borrowing books from the library. I remember doing a book literature review on Danielle Steel's The Ring that I borrowed from the Uni library. It got me an A! Not because it was a best seller book nor my grammar was perfect. I believe, it's the way the story absorbed into my mind that I was able to deliver the review in such a way, my lecturer loved it. Mangkali lah...

Back to present time...
I am picking up reading again.
I only read THREE books last year. Much better compared to the year before; one.

Why the need to accomplish a certain quantity of books?
Why read?

This is funny, but I find my imagination is getting dull in recent years.

I find myself rolled eyes at love stories.
I feel my ears blocked at sad songs.
I sense my heart froze listening to happy endings.
I feel myself getting cold to the many emotions around me except the one i have for my daughter.

Despite the many things that have been happening, i'm sensing my soul is slowly emptied. Ok that's too personal to dig in for now. But yeah, i feel the need to read to fill up that hollowness. I need someone's colorful narratives to fill up my head. I want someone's perspective on life to water my drying soul. I just need to feel again. Anything.

And then the final bell came when one day I realized how I could sorta listen to books calling out to me whenever I see postings of book/s on Instagram.

So i set a target.
Twelve books at the end of this year. At least.
Currently finishing my 6th book.

How has 6 books changed me in span of three months?

I thirst for more.
More stories. More varieties. More characters. More colors. More emotions.

Not much.
But it is better than before 6 books read.

List revised.

Here I go again.
Blowing cobweb off my blog site.
After the last post...almost a year ago to be exact, in which I promised myself to regularly blog. Andddd obviously, did not.


Here again to revise my List.

Now, where have I gotten myself in that list?
To start, I had almost strike one last year;to pursue my Masters Degree. Would have been my third term now had I agreed to pursue 'there'. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. Circumstances. If only 'here' has a green to go, I would proudly chime the bell already. secretive aye, Carol? Yalah, in short, I am yet to strike that 'Pursue my Masters Degree' list. Belum sampai masanya...

I have keep the 'become a certified Yoga Instructor' on hold until further notice. Priority, priority. But in terms of practice, the light has never dimmed. Glad yoga stumbled on my door few years back. Aiseh. This is one of two form of exercises I have not given up although the rate did slow down.
While becoming a certified instructor is on hold, I look forward to turn my home practice (and perhaps going to class) up a notch or two. My stamina is seriously at stake. Age does play role in there. But surely, not doing much about exercising is the major culprit to my stamina yang jatuh di gaung.

No international departure (again) this year. That kinda travel have to wait. And I need to really bersabar for that time to come. Perhaps a blessing in disguise; so I have ample time to fill up my Botol Not Hijau. Ha! But at least, we get to bring my daughter to the Land of Hornbill last year. Sarawak is seriously a no play-play state to enter oukay. I mean, sure I have known this way before when I was still there to study. However considering my anak's unsettled documentation issue, traveling to Sarawak in the future is something that I will want to avoid if anything.

Sometime towards the third quarter of last year, some bunch of friends and I were eager to plan another Mt Kinabalu hike for 2019. Punya excited. Another climb down and 3 to go before I can finally strike 10 climbs in my List. Konon. Thought we could secure slot somewhere around now. We can only plan, God does the rest. A bunch of school teachers from the same work place wanting to go on a mountain hike on a school holiday? Well, mimpi saja lah. School holiday lah paling peak! And for us to get a non-school holiday dates, pun terima kasih sajalah. Ampai-ampai tidak kena approve our Cuti Rehat Khas. Baru dua orang colleague sama - sama mau CRK pun kena beliak mata, apa lagi a group of more than 5 colleagues. Tutup sekolah terus. Aaah well...let's just keep the tab open. Gunung tidak ke mana. Unless, the government decided to close the mountain for hiking. Touch wood.

The rest of the list... masih K.I.V.
Will be revised from time to time.

I am adding another list though...ha, more list. Dream on urang bilang kan.

Become (an almost) MINIMALIST.

Ok, i laugh inside.
I mean, hey...saya, mau jadi minimalist?
Mau ikut-ikut trend saja kau ini Kayul.
Barang - barang pun masih berlambak.

But, but, but.
Something has to start somewhere.

I know I have started a few steps if not many.
Like getting rid (and have them sold at school family day) of my clothes and shoes that no longer serve purpose to my life. (You know where this is going at when you read 'purpose' right? Next thing i'm gonna say 'spark'). I rearranged and reorganized our humble abode. (Thanks to parents in-law who moved out to a new home and flood. Yes, flood). Threw out some small stuffs, big stuffs and all this sparks joy! (See what i mean?)

Since then, words such as declutter,  planning, organized, clean, neat, zen, purpose, clear mind, happy dan yang sewaktu dengannya have slowly become my frequent vocab. I am yet all these words. Not yet. But i am trying to be part of it, become of it. I noticed some things (in my life) have eventually make way for me to see the path clearer. Or at least, I kinda know how and where my life trajectory is pointing at. It's exciting, really. Like seeing many doors opening up in front of me and the only thing I need to do is CHOOSE. Ok, perhaps the need to choose is already something difficult to act upon but one needs to choose before one can find what difficulty (or otherwise) lies beyond the door. And maybe, there is more door to choose while one is already in that room. Right?

Cut my yadda, yadda.

Basically, getting rid things that don't belong teach me detachment from stuffs, matters, people. Allows a clean slate of mind (that shouts happy heart) to focus only on what I need thus leads me to better planning skill. Of course, it is much easier to detach from something that you have not made connection for quite some time. Vice versa. But it'll get easier in time. And consistent practice. I know this even if I have not come to this length, fully. In time.

So yeah, an almost minimalist?
Why not?

For now, baby steps lah.
I said an almost minimalist, didn't I?

Wait, have I told you how did this triggered?

Having a child.
Having someone to give your life to in return of nothing.

I am just like any mothers, wanting the best for my child.

And how does having a child strings together to being a minimalist?
Lain kali punya cerita lagi ok?

Till next time.

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