3 MARCH 2017.
This might be cliche, but ever since I recovered from PTD in 2007, my views on life kind of spiraled out from my usual perspectives. When I was at the hospital, I had all the time to think about what life should have been if I wasn't diagnosed with the disease. Or, what if I did not recover. The latter shook me deep into my very soul.
So when I was told my illness was nearly 100% curable and I was not going to loose my hair despite the so call Chemotherapy, in that instant I saw beautiful light flaring at the end of the tunnel I was in. Realization hit me. I now understand what most cancer survivors would say, "I see life in different ways now."
FYI, I am not a Cancer survivor cos PTD is not cancer. Just some bad guys that CAN turn into cancer if not treated early.
Anyways, the time I spent at the hospital made me ponder of all the things I should do in life. You know, like (again) the cliche question, 'If you only have a day to live, what will you do?' etc.
What I want to do with my life post my illness is just the normal thing normal people would do. To accomplish things I have planned before and to try out new things. Like going traveling. Be passionate about something. Put a smile even on the smallest achievement. Be grateful for every day that comes and go. And most of all, to give 'life' to those things I do albeit tiny stuff.
I did do some of the things I wanted to do... like adding more places to go for traveling with the hubster or with friends (decided to attend the Rainforest Music Fest alone cos no one was able to join me although I found travel buddies later, went on a flight to HK solo and became a wanderlust in the city albeit just a day), climbed Mount Kinabalu again and aiming for 10 climbs (4 to go), had been very active in the blogging community for some years back, tried out new things (beads making, nail art painting, yoga), be a DIY person as much as possible not just because it cut costs but the feeling you get when you are done with it is indescribable, participated in running events and claimed my Marathoner title in 2015... and I still have thousands of other things in mind that I am yet to accomplish.
However, as life gets better and better, somehow complacency slowly creeps in. The fire that once triggered from a simple illness scare was slowly dimmed. Not entirely put off but yeah, dimmed. It feels like I have everything in mind lining up nicely, waiting for me. On the other side of a sky tall fences. And I am on this other side, looking through the gaps of the fences, staring at them. I see the gateway to that other side. But it has huge padlock on it. I have the key. I just could not find it in my chaotic bag. Salah siapa?
Now, that, before our baby girl comes into picture.
Having her, helps me clear out unwanted stuffs in my bag. And I believe, eventually will help me find that key to that gateway. It feels good that while I'm at it, trying to flaunt my feet to reach for those dreams, this little girl is keeping me firm on the ground. She's not tying me down, just, grabbing my ankle when necessary.
Now, what is it that I want to tick off first from my Bucket List?