to School, or Not?

JULY 20, 2020

School has gradually reopened...with new normal definitely. And this coming Wednesday is another batch of pupils to complete the back-to-school announcement while still fighting this deadly pandemic Covid 19. Parents are definitely worried about sending their children to school especially those smaller kids age 10 and below. As a parent myself, with statistics of new cases still persist daily, I too worry about her health safety. But sending her to school is our best option to get her academically schooled as the husband and I are required to be back full time at work.

Speaking of being academically schooled, @amydangin did an online chat with some mommies regarding homeschooling their children. Will not go in details of the chat but head over Amy’s profile and you’ll get the link to her Youtube channel for the said conversation.

Amy highlighted that by week 3 after MCO started, she was already stressed out by the amount of online homework that kept coming for her two sons to complete and later decided not to bother to keep up. As long as she knows her children are still being ‘schooled’ without needing to comply with homework and all.

I feel the same...especially when I have to keep up with giving out online classwork to my students as well. I only started giving out Online Classroom by 2nd week after the 1st mid term break. At the same time, my daughter’s kindie has also started giving out some work to be done at home. So, I thought ok easy peasy, kasi kerja online to my students and at the same time attending to my anak’s school work. Tetttt! So wrong.

It was a disaster. My teaching time with her only ended up stressing the both of us and this prolonged for about 2 weeks. She wanted me there, teach her and argue with her. But this mom couldn't handle the arguing part too much as my own online classroom was demanding and overwhelming.

So, I stopped.

I stopped forcing Ticia to do her schoolwork. Of course I showed her the teaching videos that her teacher sent but as for worksheets, I went with the flow. If she’s up for it, she’ll finish it. Vice versa. 

What she did then during that supposedly class session?

Watching her Netflix show on TV, Youtube on mummy’s laptop, cycling around the house either on her tricycle or the scooter, feed the kittens, play with them, chase butterflies and sometimes tree lizard at nearby bush, swim in her mini indoor pool, role play with her dollies and plushies, play dressing up and makeup, singing, dancing, drawing, coloring and all those filled her days at home.

Yet, with all these activities that seem to be just play and play, she still knows her ABCs and their sounds, count numbers to 20 and knows quantity, write her name and some alphabets. Perhaps not reading yet but we’ll go through this eventually before she gets to Primary 1. I know she’s learning well, so...yeah.

I did worry that her teacher would think i’m a lazy mother but i realized, my sanity and the quality of my relationship with my daughter as well as my husband are more important than wanting to make sure all homework is done and submitted to the school.

But, you are a teacher! You surely must know that you need feedback and the easiest way is to get students to do homework and submit them. Yes, I know. But no, i don’t force them to submit for a lot of different reasons that they might be having while trying to catch up with the new learning norm. Of course, this would be different if we are not facing this difficult time.

Some parents did ask the school if they can homeschool their children especially during this pandemic. Yes, you can. Parents are required to write a formal letter to the school that they are not ready to send their children. However, parents must also be aware that after 22nd of July, there will be NO MORE online learning i.e. teachers giving out teaching and learning materials via Google Classroom or other medium of online learning. Hence, parents must ensure that they are able to provide home-based learning for their kids so that once the kids are back in school, they will not be clueless on what has been going on in school. That is temporary homeschooling.

As for permanently homeschooling your children, well, while our education policy has made it compulsory that all children aged 7 to 12 are required to be sent to school, you can still opt for not sending your children for formal school. Of course, this requires formal application to the ministry. No details here but if you seriously looking into this option, drop by at the local Education Department to forward your enquiry.

All points taken (hopefully), you know your children better. School is a learning place for children when parents aren’t able to do so, mostly because we are working ourselves. If you reckon keeping them at home and teaching them on your own is your best option, then by all means do it. It’s not for everyone but yes, it’s doable.

Whatever it is, we just want the best for our future generation. And we also pray that this pandemic will be over very soon.

Stay safe, kita jaga kita.

PS: This is my personal POV as a mother of a 4 year old and a teacher. Scenario could be different for parents with children of various age.

Book Lover vs Book Worm

Growing up, I do not have much memories of wanting or loving books. I don't even remember being a young reader, passionate about books. In short, I didn't read much growing up.

But I remember Hensel and Gretel.

That was the first story book I received as present from my late father. Can't remember now why I got it as present. But I treasured the book. I kept it for years however lost it while in transition to being adult.

Library.

That's how (technically, where) I get to love reading.

I was sixteen.

During the days when we didn't have extra curricular activities after school, dad would sent me to the library and spent my time there waiting for him to finish work and collect me two and half hours later.

It was burdening in the beginning cos I was supposed to go there and study.

So to kill time, I would study the first half to an hour and do shelves browsing the remaining time. Most of the time, I ended up chilling on the sofa at the magazine section.

Then came the final term before the big exam.

Spent more time at the library of course. With a twist. A guy in the picture. One that I had crush with. He loved browsing the novel section which eventually led yours truly wandering at the same section. Ha! Kerja buduh.

But.

There's good in that.

And you guessed correctly.

I started to read books. Well, novels precisely.

Still!

That guy is history.

But the reading continues.

Bagus juga kan pigi library?

My reading habit keep growing as I enrolled in Uni. Apa lagi bila ada room mate that was crazily in love with reading. Every night mesti baca buku before bed. Lucky thing, it impacted on me so much.

I would borrowed her books at first. It then escalated to me borrowing books from the library. I remember doing a book literature review on Danielle Steel's The Ring that I borrowed from the Uni library. It got me an A! Not because it was a best seller book nor my grammar was perfect. I believe, it's the way the story absorbed into my mind that I was able to deliver the review in such a way, my lecturer loved it. Mangkali lah...

Back to present time...

I am picking up reading again.

I only read THREE books last year. Much better compared to the year before; one.

Why the need to accomplish a certain quantity of books?

Why read?

This is funny, but I find my imagination is getting dull in recent years.

I find myself rolled eyes at love stories.

I feel my ears blocked at sad songs.

I sense my heart froze listening to happy endings.

I feel myself getting cold to the many emotions around me except the one i have for my daughter.

Despite the many things that have been happening, i'm sensing my soul is slowly emptied. Ok that's too personal to dig in for now. But yeah, i feel the need to read to fill up that hollowness. I need someone's colorful narratives to fill up my head. I want someone's perspective on life to water my drying soul. I just need to feel again. Anything.

And then the final bell came when one day I realized how I could sorta listen to books calling out to me whenever I see postings of book/s on Instagram.

So i set a target.

Twelve books at the end of this year. At least.

Currently finishing my 6th book.

How has 6 books changed me in span of three months?

I thirst for more.

More stories. More varieties. More characters. More colors. More emotions.

Not much.

But it is better than before 6 books read.

List revised.

2019.

Woohoo!

Here I go again.

Blowing cobweb off my blog site.

After the last post...almost a year ago to be exact, in which I promised myself to regularly blog. Andddd obviously, did not.

Anyways.

Here again to revise my List.

Now, where have I gotten myself in that list?

To start, I had almost strike one last year;to pursue my Masters Degree. Would have been my third term now had I agreed to pursue 'there'. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. Circumstances. If only 'here' has a green to go, I would proudly chime the bell already. There...here...being secretive aye, Carol? Yalah, in short, I am yet to strike that 'Pursue my Masters Degree' list. Belum sampai masanya...

Yoga?

I have keep the 'become a certified Yoga Instructor' on hold until further notice. Priority, priority. But in terms of practice, the light has never dimmed. Glad yoga stumbled on my door few years back. Aiseh. This is one of two form of exercises I have not given up although the rate did slow down.

While becoming a certified instructor is on hold, I look forward to turn my home practice (and perhaps going to class) up a notch or two. My stamina is seriously at stake. Age does play role in there. But surely, not doing much about exercising is the major culprit to my stamina yang jatuh di gaung.

Travel?

No international departure (again) this year. That kinda travel have to wait. And I need to really bersabar for that time to come. Perhaps a blessing in disguise; so I have ample time to fill up my Botol Not Hijau. Ha! But at least, we get to bring my daughter to the Land of Hornbill last year. Sarawak is seriously a no play-play state to enter oukay. I mean, sure I have known this way before when I was still there to study. However considering my anak's unsettled documentation issue, traveling to Sarawak in the future is something that I will want to avoid if anything.

Sometime towards the third quarter of last year, some bunch of friends and I were eager to plan another Mt Kinabalu hike for 2019. Punya excited. Another climb down and 3 to go before I can finally strike 10 climbs in my List. Konon. Thought we could secure slot somewhere around now. We can only plan, God does the rest. A bunch of school teachers from the same work place wanting to go on a mountain hike on a school holiday? Well, mimpi saja lah. School holiday lah paling peak! And for us to get a non-school holiday dates, pun terima kasih sajalah. Ampai-ampai tidak kena approve our Cuti Rehat Khas. Baru dua orang colleague sama - sama mau CRK pun kena beliak mata, apa lagi a group of more than 5 colleagues. Tutup sekolah terus. Aaah well...let's just keep the tab open. Gunung tidak ke mana. Unless, the government decided to close the mountain for hiking. Touch wood.

The rest of the list... masih K.I.V.

Will be revised from time to time.

I am adding another list though...ha, more list. Dream on urang bilang kan.

Become (an almost) MINIMALIST.

Ok, i laugh inside.

I mean, hey...saya, mau jadi minimalist?

Mau ikut-ikut trend saja kau ini Kayul.

Barang - barang pun masih berlambak.

But, but, but.

Something has to start somewhere.

I know I have started a few steps if not many.

Like getting rid (and have them sold at school family day) of my clothes and shoes that no longer serve purpose to my life. (You know where this is going at when you read 'purpose' right? Next thing i'm gonna say 'spark'). I rearranged and reorganized our humble abode. (Thanks to parents in-law who moved out to a new home and flood. Yes, flood). Threw out some small stuffs, big stuffs and all this sparks joy! (See what i mean?)

Since then, words such as declutter,  planning, organized, clean, neat, zen, purpose, clear mind, happy dan yang sewaktu dengannya have slowly become my frequent vocab. I am yet all these words. Not yet. But i am trying to be part of it, become of it. I noticed some things (in my life) have eventually make way for me to see the path clearer. Or at least, I kinda know how and where my life trajectory is pointing at. It's exciting, really. Like seeing many doors opening up in front of me and the only thing I need to do is CHOOSE. Ok, perhaps the need to choose is already something difficult to act upon but one needs to choose before one can find what difficulty (or otherwise) lies beyond the door. And maybe, there is more door to choose while one is already in that room. Right?

Cut my yadda, yadda.

Basically, getting rid things that don't belong teach me detachment from stuffs, matters, people. Allows a clean slate of mind (that shouts happy heart) to focus only on what I need thus leads me to better planning skill. Of course, it is much easier to detach from something that you have not made connection for quite some time. Vice versa. But it'll get easier in time. And consistent practice. I know this even if I have not come to this length, fully. In time.

So yeah, an almost minimalist?

Why not?

For now, baby steps lah.

I said an almost minimalist, didn't I?

Wait, have I told you how did this triggered?

Having a child.

LETICIA SUNDUVANZA

Having someone to give your life to in return of nothing.

I am just like any mothers, wanting the best for my child.

And how does having a child strings together to being a minimalist?

Lain kali punya cerita lagi ok?

Till next time.

Dreaded Phase

Someone asked me not too long ago if Ticia has already stepped into the Terrible Two phase since she is... urm... two.

No, I said confidently.

Yes, she had been putting up tantrums and all that but I somehow felt they weren't that phase yet. I felt she was manageable. Easy peasy konon.

Well, until she got sick recently (and the daddy suspected she had growth spurt), she has since been terribly difficult to predict. One minute she was all angelic looking, flashing smile that melts the heart you just want to hug and kiss her all the time. Then all of sudden, a simple "Ticia, please wait" when she wanted something while my hands were occupied sent her lying on the floor, screaming crazily her voice so sharp it could break my ear-drum. Even a simple decline to being carried will make her furious. Lucky this only happens at home so far.

It has gotten too frequent in a day that this time I am so sure Terrible Twos has FINALLY making a show. Late by three months but yeah, here. However, deep down I know this phase does not acquired its name cos simply.

"There must be reasons to all this happenings. Reasons why she was unhappy,"

I sound like I am in denial of having a toddler who is acting exactly like how her age should be. But, if I know what gets her upset and frustrated, I can avoid all this drama, right?

Truth is, I just want to be able to tackle and handle this phase better. Whenever she throws an unexplainable fit, I try to avoid lying hands on her. But when she kept wailing, unwilling to give in, I find myself either spanking her leg or arm. And then ended up regretting my doing.
At other times, when I have no energy to entertain her unpredictable storm, I would just let her be. Ignore her wails and act like I didn't hear a thing. But, that sent me feeling guilty as well. What lesson did I give her by ignoring her tantrum?

What did I do?
Menggoogle lah ini ibu.

Ok, firstly, I must admit that this phase is normal. No, of course I know it's normal and I know it's inevitable but I MUST ACCEPT that even if I know what to expect and what to do, at times, things will get worst that I can't expect myself to be in control ALL THE TIME. I must learn that I will be defeated sometimes. That's how it will go. And that is how I will rise back and learn from it. Sehmen! So dramatic lah kau Carol.

'The less invested and upset you get, the quicker the storm will pass' - Anne Davies

That's what I am currently doing.
Every time my little princess warrior tries to show her frustration in the form of wailing, throwing herself on the floor, throwing things or hitting I try not to participate in what she is doing. Oh, this is definitely NOT EASY. It is not easy to not get angry when your child screams her lung out, eyes staring daringly at you telling that she was upset. But I try. And like I mentioned, it's not always my game. I don't always win. I don't always manage to control my anger. Terlepas juga tangan mentapap kaki si Ticia yang sudah sedia banyak gandas.

In spite of all that above, trying to be calm, rational and not to take her tantrums personally do help me slowly in tackling her melt down. It does feel victorious if I get to distract her from being upset when I cannot let her play with the water pipe for half an hour.
"Come, we mandi in the bathroom. You can play water in the tub."

Or when I manage to avoid drama by limiting choices.
"When the bubbles all gone that means you must get up already."

Or when my calm but repeatedly stern 'No' finally gets to her without intimidating her.
Or simply ignoring her which eventually led her to coming back to me when she was much calmer.

It has only been roughly two weeks since I try being 'less invested' but I am already feeling less tortured by her drama. She still throw herself on the floor. Still screaming. Still trying to hit and throw stuffs. But key word here, LESSER.

And most important, I feel much happy dealing with my daughter's tantrums. Ha!
Jangan Carol...itu baru bunga-bunga. Bak kata my sister in-law, this is the phase where you practically don't have a manual. One thing might work today. But may not the next day.

Well until I cross that new level of bridge, let's just enjoy what I have gain today lah orang bilang kan.

Cheers!
XOXO

100 Things to-do

I was scrolling through Pinterest looking for ideas.
Anything.
You know lah how Pinterest can aggravate your ideas from one tiny spark into fiery blaze.

So there I was, stumbling upon this pin about 100 Things To Do Before You Die.

Well honestly, I don't really fancy anything that says 'before you die'. Of course, death is certain to each and everyone of us. But, I always feel that it has some kind of negative connotation to the way I dictate my life. So, i rather think of it as something I want to do while I am STILL ALIVE. I feel the word alive alone already give a good vibration to how i want to live this life God wills on me. Power of word urang bilang bah.

Back to that list.
I do have my own Bucket List. And I list some of them in here.
Why do I have them?
Why do you have them (if you have)?

As my Zodiac and Almanac keeps pointing, I have an amount of positiveness in me that sometimes my husband thinks is absurd. Well, sampai kadang-kadang saya pun question juga kenapa baini telampau positip. But hey, that's what keep me ALIVE. That's what directs me in the paths God has laid upon me.

Keeping a list of to-do things, either long term or daily, gets me going. Never mind that I sometimes tend to ignore the list and at the beginning of next day, will still writing down the same list. Ha!
There was a particular year, I did not set any list. Not even a daily list. My intention was to go with the flow. Boy, that was really a gloomy year. I didn't look forward anything (cos I didn't know what to look forward to). I don't mind surprises (in life) but I rather something that I can plan at least properly if not perfect. Almost everyone loves having that feeling to be able to take charge of things, especially your own.

So I got back to writing a list.

Human nature; you want everything.
I want all!
But as I age, I realized that I can only do so much. Your mind is your limit, they say. But, to be fair lah, I BITE my limit, my absurd positivity to things that revolve around my family; my husband and daughter. And also, taking consideration my long time bad habit, PROCRASTINATION.

I anticipate two things to strike from my Bucket List this year. God willing.

Cheers!

School Time!

Tik.
Tok.
Tik.
Tok.

"Baru one o'clock."

Tik.
Tok.
Tik.
Tok.

"Almost three. Should I go get her now?"

A monologue of me and myself.
About?

Siapa lagi, kalau bukan si Leticia Sunduvanza.

We decided to send her to play school. Yes, already.
Honestly, I would want to send her when she's about three or perhaps four years old. However, circumstances do not allow that to happen. So yeah, she is in play school now.

How has it been so far?

It was GREAT on FIRST day.
She didn't even realize we left the school cos she was too engrossed with seeing new young friends around.
Not on the second day and the subsequent days so far though. At least, not in the morning when the daddy send her to school. She would cry and worst, would start showing her worried face even while still in the car.
Fortunately, whenever I go fetch her, she would already looked calm and settled.
Some minor comments from the teacher but none that aren't normal for first timer in school.


How has it been to us parents...ermmm, mommy especially?
It was weird in the beginning, really.
Being used to having her under the care of my mother in-law, I always felt that i need to rush back to get her home because I don't want my MIL be troubled to look after this little growing rascal. She can really exhaust everyone's energy.
Ever since she is in Play School, especially when I don't have to stay back at work for meetings and what not, I keep asking myself if I should go fetch her already. The Play School welcomes parents who wish to collect their child early than the supposed time. So if I decided to go home instead and wait till it is time for her to be collected, I would have this guilty feeling for allowing her stay in school while I am at home.
Funny.

It has been a week of (play) school.
Seriously, I think this is one of our best decisions regarding our daughter.
School has done such tremendous good job on her speech progress.
If you are my contacts on Instagram, you would know our concern with regards to her speech. Given a timeline to get her to show some progress in time for her next speech therapy session, I feel we are pushed to get up from our comfort zone and to NOT go with the flow. Especially when it is really not an easy job to train her to talk.
But.
School helps us with that!
In just a week, she is already able to say some words. Well, say the word lah, not talking. But hey, that is still a progress for us. I mean, if a week can do that much for her?

So yes, I am very glad we have her gone to play school.
Despite that emotional normalities that every mother will go through, I think I am quite OK with the new routine now.

Cheers to school!

TWO Awesome

Leticia is TWO!

Yes, how time flies.

It has been a very interesting two years of her life. And our life as parents.

Such a humble experience to learn life lessons through the life of a pure heart. Our Leticia.

Her actual birthday is next Monday, the 8th.

However, with close family members who are residing outside KK still around till the New Year and the fact that we have been postponing her birthday bash since she turned one, we decided to do her FIRST birthday party ten days early.

I have planned the whole thing since a year ago but things got serious the last two months before the do. As much as I had made plans, the saying 'nothing is perfect' rang true in my case. I wanted so many things done for her birthday but gave out less than what i had in mind. In short, what i had in mind remain mostly in my head. Poor planner I am. Lesson learned.

Having her birthday done only when she was much older seemed to be a genius idea than having it when she was just one. At least, she really gets to enjoy her party instead of sleeping or being carried around (Ticia didn't start walking until she was 13 months old). She even greeted almost every one of her guests by dashing to the front when seeing guest arrived to say Hi. Saved us half the effort to welcome the guests. Ha! And of course, she stayed up energetic until all the important programmes were done. By the time we wanted to take photos with the guests, her battery died on us when it was only a quarter of the guests photos taken. She literally slept in my arms.

P to the A to the T, A, H. PATAH!

Here are some photos of her birthday bash!

And oh, her birthday theme was The Wiggles. One of her first few favourite shows on Netflix.

Happy Two years old 

Leticia Sunduvanza!